A lot has happened since my last post about wanting a child. On December 2, 2012, after being a week late for the start of my cycle, I lay in bed thinking about whether or not I could be pregnant. Having gone through this situation once before, only to have my dreams shattered, I got out of bed and said to myself, "I'm going to take the stupid test just to get this out of my system and prove to myself that it's all in my head. Maybe then I can stop thinking about it and get on with my life!"
Imagine my shock and surprise when those 2 pink lines appeared. All I could do was stare at them, dumbfounded. Apparently, it WASN'T all in my head after all! After telling my husband the joyous news (and waking him up out of a dead sleep to do so) I began to... panic! Pregnant! I was pregnant! I was going to be responsible for another human being! This is what I wanted...right?
I began to research everything about everything about EVERYTHING about babies and pregnancy and... I forgot to do the most important thing.
I forgot to thank God for His marvelous blessing and ask for His wisdom and guidance during this time. I felt like such a fool, like such a... child. It was then that I got a clear glimpse of what I was getting myself into. Here, I had been demanding God's attention and blessing for months, much like my child will demand mine. Yet, I hadn't thanked Him for being so loving and blessing me, much like I'm sure my children will do to me. They'll start out immature, demanding, and panic at every turn. With love, support, and some lessons learned the hard way, I hope that they will become mature, patient, wise Christian adults. With a lot of work and a LOT of patience, God will turn me into one also.
Now that I've heard the baby's heartbeat on the Doppler, I felt safe announcing it to the world. My first Ultrasound will be on 1/7. My first picture of the little one God has blessed us with. I can't wait to start this thrilling, joyous, sometimes terrifying journey. I know it's going to be a serious learning experience for both of us!
